JM Guthrie 00:27
Welcome back, everybody, episode two of the Fuzzee-ish podcast super excited to continue the conversation around me total has been something that the three of us have shared in our sort of close communities over the last few months, but are finally in a position now to start to put it out for the world and to drive the community that we’re really interested in driving around this whole me to me total movement. So one of the things that’s most exciting for me as part of this team is the fact that the group on this show is our friends from way back early, early ages till now. And so today, we’re fortunate enough to click into our guy carry story. Carry has been a friend of mine for over 30 years, going back to early childhood basketball to the one good throw I made varsity football is like a 85 year old 85 yard touchdown pass to my guy carrying number eight to the house, I think we lost by a million. But that’s a memory I’ll never forget. And then he’s been a guy that’s not only been encouraging in my walk of me total, but also supportive, and also has allowed me to really share in a super transparent and vulnerable place. And always just come back with positive energy and enforcement for my path forward. He’s able to do that because his story is pretty incredible in its own right. He’s been on this movement for 1000s of days, while some of us are still chasing the next 100. So it’s my pleasure to kick off episode two in our Qlik into carry story. So thanks for thanks for sharing with us today,

Kary Youman 02:06
Kary. Oh, thanks for that awesome intro.

Joe Quattrone 02:09
So Kary, I was scrolling through social media of the day and I came across a post of you and you were like 20 years old with your shirt off looking like you’re a damn

JM Guthrie 02:18
ABS oh my gosh, look like you’re dancing at a music festival. Yeah, it’s some sort of like 1010 pack or something went all the way up to his chest. But I wasn’t born with I wasn’t born with those physical gifts, goodness gracious. But for me to pop a video, maybe we can get that into the videos, I think I’d have a keg about that point.

Joe Quattrone 02:43
I definitely had a couple of Jelly Rolls at that point. But Kary, so you have this whole thing where you’ve been posting pictures of yourself when you were at the height of your consumption days. And then really long for coffee to kind of you know, document at the moment. Give your kind of posts script perspective on things now that you’ve become more enlightened as a human being and stuff like that. Walk us through give us a little bit of an abridged version of your walk with being alcohol free. But just kind of get into the story a little bit, maybe starting off from that point. Like, what does it mean to you now looking back all these years later, like maybe start with like the feeling and then kind of get into where it came from?

Kary Youman 03:28
Yeah, I really appreciate that question, Joe. Yeah, that was 2005. It seemed like a lifetime ago. But yeah, it was an interesting time. Because when the 10 pack It’s interesting though, because I was like in the darkest, most depressed, most isolated space I think I’ve ever been in. But I still have whatever you call it tempo. Yeah. And so you

JM Guthrie 03:53
still went to the beach when you’re in the grocery like, Oh, dang.

Kary Youman 03:59
That’s what’s so interesting, though, you know, because I think because I was fairly athletic in high school and just still had a pretty regular regimen. I started skateboarding around this time. I wasn’t really eating healthy. You know, I was doing a lot of coke at the time. So it’s like I wasn’t it’s not like I was living a healthy life I think my body and I think too that the society we live in you know, if you look at things like you see someone with a six pack and big packs and you think they’re living this healthy lifestyle, but when you really get behind the curtain it’s like how are what do you eat it like how much rest do you get? Like, what kind of media are you taking in? Yeah, like, what are you into? So I think it’s funny and that that again, man, I’m not the type of person that’s just posting stuff with my shirt off like if people do that’s cool, but I’ve just never been mended. That’s the hanging fruit that’s low hanging fruit substance, you know, down to the roots

Joe Quattrone 04:53
here for that to see. Okay, and while we’re on the topic, I saw on his last podcast that taking a cold shower is three times more dopamine release than doing a coke.

Kary Youman 05:05
So, wow, I believe that 100% I wish you would have known that Ben could do that. But yeah, cocaine is just easier to consume than a cold shower is. Just to give a little more perspective, I mean, I was in film school and I was taking some time off because my financial aid at the time got kind of screwed up, and I wasn’t being responsible with my money because I was partying. But yeah, I had some housemates who made it really easy to do cocaine and do other stuff. I also worked in a restaurant where, you know, after my shift, I would be able to have a drink, or a shot or whatever, no smoking cigarettes, whatever. So for about a year and a half, I was in film school, but you know, a lot of my lifestyle because I’m like, Oh, I’m in film school. And then Hollywood people go out like they network like they’re drinking their party. And like, this is the lifestyle. So I think for me, I had this impression. That’s what I was supposed to do. And I justified it. Because I wouldn’t meet people. I wouldn’t remember most of what I talked about, or they wouldn’t remember talking to me. But this was just my life for about a year and a half. So how during that

JM Guthrie 06:13
By the way, how terrible is that? Just waking up the next day and thinking, Oh, shit, I said something. I know what it is. I can’t really ask. Yeah.

Kary Youman 06:22
I mean, and it happened a lot. A lot became a part of the lifestyle. So I think for me, man, like, when that time came for that picture, a really good friend of mine, Darren, guys know Darren reached out, he’s like, Yo, I’m coming down to Florida. Yeah, for the Winter Music Conference. I know you’re in Orlando, we can come pick you up. It was him. And Darren was in a band. At this time. It was him and his drummer who were coming down. I’m like, yo, yeah, pick me up. And you know, Darren, and I had some heart to hearts. And you know, I didn’t go. I wasn’t vulnerable enough to talk about, like, you know, my coke addiction and my alcohol addiction and my depression. And I say I was celibate during that time, but I just didn’t feel attractive. Like, I just felt like, my self esteem was really low, like, I would go out and I would meet women. But, you know, I didn’t have my own place. Like I said, I didn’t have a car, I didn’t really have any money. And yeah, I was just depressed. You know. And I think people say, I mean, when you’re depressed, you can have, you can have the whole world in front of you. But if your energy isn’t there, if your cup is in full, there’s no way for you to really embrace that. So if you

JM Guthrie 07:25
aren’t feeling who you are, it doesn’t matter. Right? Just like we talked about the empathy thing. It’s just like anything else.

Kary Youman 07:32
I feel he doesn’t, it doesn’t matter. I think people like me, yep, I’m 100%. I mean, we’ve seen it play out in society, so many times where, you know, someone has this life on the surface that looks amazing. And then they take their lives, or they overdose or, you know, they end up, you know, really just sort of spinning out. And it’s unfortunate, but I think just kind of going back, I had a chance to talk to Darren about, you know, some things that that were, they weren’t as deep, but they were as deep as I knew how to go at the time. So he knew that I was going through some stuff and always been a huge fan of music, electronic music, I love dancing. And I was just starting to get into electronic music more like Drum and Bass kind of stuff like Ronnie sighs ltj bukem, to be precise, but there was this Drum and Bass tent. And I don’t know what it was, man. But the DJ just started dropping these records. And like I said, I hadn’t been dancing, I hadn’t really been out, like I just hadn’t really expressed myself in over a year and a half. And I mean, I think I just got on the dance floor. And four hours later, I was dehydrated, like in that picture. But I didn’t even know that picture was being taken. Like, that’s how in the zone I was, you know, so I think for me, it was just, maybe my physiology was just trying to express sort of this new metamorphosis of myself, because I felt like after that festival, I was talking to Darren, he’s like, Yo, I’m moving to Baltimore, we’re gonna start our band, like, we’re gonna get a place like you can move in with us. And you’ll have your own room, you know, it was just kind of that kind of situation. And I just made the decision in the car that I wasn’t sure how I was going to make it work. But I just knew that like, what is it when you’re sick and tired of being sick and tired? Like, that’s when you for some people, that’s when you finally make the move? Like for you guys, I know. You didn’t have to get like rock bottom to really make that decision. But that’s what it took for me. Or perhaps that’s just the path that I had to go down to be able to share the journey today. You know? Yeah.

Joe Quattrone 09:26
And perhaps like, if you hadn’t gotten to rock bottom, maybe your walk with being alcohol free wouldn’t have stuck as well as the hips. So kudos,

JM Guthrie 09:36
Was it soon after? That was it soon after that picture was taken that you decided to put it all down when how much longer was it and what was

Kary Youman 09:45
the eyebrow? I mean, in 2005 I still wasn’t. I still wasn’t really meditating. I mean, I’d you know, I’d read like some Alan Watts stuff. I’d read, you know, some Deepak Chopra stuff. I was starting to sort of go down this kind of mystical path. I started meditating in 2008. So 2005 is when I left Florida to go to Baltimore. I moved to Portland in 2006 2008 is when I got the download for meditation, but it was in. It was 2008, where I went to the Vipassana meditation, which was a 10 day retreat, which talked about briefly from 2005 to 2008. So just a lot. I mean, I was in Baltimore, I was starting to, I went to film school, I was starting to make short films and different videos. I was doing some nonprofit work with this youth organization, and like taking them out on the streets and putting together these public service announcements like it felt very gratifying. But there wasn’t much pay. I was working in a restaurant. So I was still drinking, but I had, like I just had, I felt like I had a community. Like I felt like I had just some people around me who were near Johns Hopkins, I was hanging out with some Hopkins kids. So there were some, you know, some pretty bright people around me having some really intelligent conversations, started going down the rabbit hole, started learning how to philosophize a little more and critically thinking, in 2008, you know, my drinking started getting bad again, let me go back. So I was in Baltimore, and then I decided to move to Portland to pursue my film career. Like I said, I dropped out of film school twice. But I got the skill of filmmaking, which is ultimately what I wanted to do at the time. Like, you know, Robert Rodriguez was really big like him and Tarantino was doing cool, like gorilla stuff. Of course, Spike Lee has always been a pretty gorilla filmmaker. So I can do my own stuff. I don’t need film school. So I dropped out. I was doing some research. I’m like, you know, I don’t want to move to LA like, I feel like I would just be one of millions of people trying to make it and didn’t want to move to New York. Like, I love the East Coast, but I just didn’t feel like New York could be the place for me. And there was this magazine that I used to read. I don’t even think they publish it anymore. Called moviemaker magazine. But every word up magazine maker magazine, not to read word up magazine. Okay. I mean, but not about 2009 I was reading a magazine

JM Guthrie 12:09
track about how you found somebody used to be reading word of magazine. That’s what I was going with. And neither y’all motherfuckers really. Moving on,

Kary Youman 12:18
I’ll be at all like, literal. I’m like, word of mouth. I’m like, I got you. I picked it

JM Guthrie 12:24
up. Okay. Yeah. I’ll try to do better next time. He had a stage name. It was big. Anyways, all right. Keep going, man. Sorry. You used to read the movie magazine.

Kary Youman 12:39
I used to read movie magazines. Now. You can’t get it out of your head. He used to be my God anyway. So I was reading a moviemaker magazine. And they would have like their top 10 cities to be a filmmaker. And every quarter, I would just look at it and check it out. And one one particular issue, they just had Portland, and they’re like, right, it was like at number eight out of 10. And I’m like, I’ve never even heard of this city before. But it’s next to Seattle, which I thought was a cool city because I was always like a Supersonics fan, really into people like Sean Kim, Gary Payton. And I’m like, it’d be cool. So me and this woman I was with moved to Portland. And again, just kind of got into this lifestyle. I started working in a restaurant. To get on the inside of the film industry. I started acting, I started taking acting classes, and a lot of actors wait tables as well, because that’s just what you do. And I started booking work actually, pretty quickly. But what I realized was, you know, if you booked something, you may not get paid for three or six months, and you just have to be available. You know, like, you can get a call from your agent the day of like, Yo, I’ve got this audition for this thing. You’re like, Yo, I’m working right now. It’s like, Well, do you want it or not? And I’ve just been the type of person especially when I was young, that just takes chances. I’ve never really been afraid to take chances. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve become a little bit more conservative, and the things that I do, but back then I’m just like, Yeah, I’ll get another job. So I think for me, I just got to a point where I knew something had to shift. And I didn’t know what so the universe just kind of put this situation in front of me. So 2008 I was at this bar. And I was just having a drink. It was late. I was working in this restaurant. I went to this restaurant after work. And yeah, it was just drinking. And I saw this woman there that I’d seen there before. And she’s like, Yeah, me and you know, some of my friends, we’re gonna go to this after party. And I’m like, yo, like, let me come , I want to hang out. So we went to this party. It’s like, two in the morning right now, I’ve already had a lot of beers, a lot of shots, probably took a couple hits of some other stuff. And we get to the party, and they start passing this ball around. And I’m like, you know, I, you know, I can handle myself. I took a couple hits. And the woman that I came there with was like, Yo, I’m gonna I’m gonna leave like, are you gonna stay here? Like, what are you doing? And I’m like, hey, I’ll stay there. We’re just like a few other guys there on my last day like I’m gonna leave shortly. So I don’t know what happened but Like as soon as she left, it was just like a moment where I might have mentioned this before, but that movie Friday that came out back in the early 90s With IceCube Chris Tucker every time

Joe Quattrone 15:09
in the kitchen you in the kitchen all the food

Kary Youman 15:20
Oh, good, man. There’s the same word smokey as like, you know, hanging out with these gang members. And they’re like smoking and he’s like hitting it really hard. I’ve been smoking since I was two. But then he finds out it’s like Angel Dust like PCP or somebody ends up taking the shirt off breakdancing in the street. And it wasn’t that extreme, but it was pretty close. You know, I’m not gonna go into super detail man. But I just found myself in a situation where at the end of the day I ended up with like, no shirt on running down a fire escape. Like, that’s just I’ll just leave it at that. It was a very, like,

Joe Quattrone 15:51
Hold on timeout, though. Because like, I feel like this is a big deal. Like, back in the day. Why did you spend today? He told us today could be fed, you know, like, there’s crazy should happen in the streets right now. Like, I’m scared to death for my kids who are about to become teenagers, bless the fenders.

JM Guthrie 16:08
But it’s really been going on for a long time because my mom has a similar story to that one. Back in the day. Alexandria, Virginia, mid 70s. I thought that it was like one of our first times so I don’t know what the I don’t know the result is. I don’t know about dancing in the street or data fire. But I’m sure it was bad because she’s steered clear ever since as well. Wow. Yeah, that’s yeah, Adi. Dottie Paula.

Kary Youman 16:33
Yeah, it’s interesting. I know you guys talk. I mean, we talk a lot about how when people hear someone say so or they’re just like, oh, man, what happened? You know, are you Is everything okay? Like, did you lose your wife? Did you lose your job? Like what happened? And again, you know, I wouldn’t say I’m the quintessential story, because it’s interesting. I think it depends on the community you grew up in. But for me, well, before I get off track, going back to just what you were saying, Joe, about the fentanyl and my experience. I mean, if you’re, if you’re in a situation where you’re already altered, and you’re smoking something, but then you don’t even know what it is. I mean, like First off, like just the situations I would put myself in when I was under the influence. It was just like, How can I find more? Like more? I forgot what movie it is. But the guy was like, How much money do you want to make? And he’s like, more like, he didn’t even have an answer. It was just more and I think for me, man, like, that night really just, it shook me, you know, like it, it scared me straight. It’s so much to wear. Like, I think I had like one beer in the fridge like I ran in the house, and I just dumped it out. I’m like, I’m done with this shit, like, I’m done. And I took a couple of days off, you know, I took a couple days off from drinking consistently for probably several years at this point. And during the time off, I went to another restaurant. And I didn’t go to that restaurant because I didn’t want to I didn’t go to that bar, I stayed away from that place. Because I didn’t want to see any of those people for as long as I could not see them. It was not a good night. But I went to another restaurant, I’m like, I’m just gonna, I’m just gonna chill out, I’m going to have a glass of wine. That’s what I told myself. And I went, and I happened to overhear these two people who were sitting like, behind me as the stools were sitting back to back. And I just overheard them talking about a friend of theirs that had just recently returned from this meditation retreat. And I just kind of went over to them because I was curious. They were just like, you know, it was 10 days, and it was silent. And it wasn’t too far. And it was free and all these different things. So I got some more information. And I went home, and I just started looking it up. And I found that the place was pretty close. Like they had this ride share that you could join. I was like reading these precepts, which were essentially like, these are things that you have to abstain from. And essentially, it’s just like, you know, killing anyone or gossiping, like just moral things that they’re saying, like, Hey, if you’re gonna come and be in this space with us for 10 days, these are the things that we’re asking you to lean into. And none of it seemed too hard. The biggest challenge for me was, I knew if I were to go to a, they have this 10 day silent retreat. So I knew if I was going to go to this 10 day retreat, I was not going to be able to drink or consume, like I want to consume. So I knew for me, what I was getting to earlier was like, depending on the community you grew up in, and you may not have access to rehab, like I have friends depending on how they grew up. Some of them talk about rehab, like it’s just like a normal thing. Rehab and therapy and rehab. Right. Yep, those words didn’t they didn’t even exist. Like they weren’t even things that I even knew I had access to. So for me, you know, again, I think some of my addiction came from me like self medicating, like just traumatic things that happen young in life. So drinking alcohol, over indulging in other things, I think was like therapy. Like it was like my way of like, having perspective on myself to have a conversation with myself to just think more critically about something like it was my own therapy. So I’m like

Joe Quattrone 20:00
Was it as a therapy? Or was it more of an escape? Because sometimes dealing with trauma is incredibly hard and there is definitely a lot of alcohol. It’s something that a lot of people do to mask the pain or avoid it altogether. Do you think it was? Yeah, hate is opening up my third eye and letting it be talked to and confronting my fears and traumas or was this Hey, I can’t deal with this, because it’s too hard. Let me put it to the side.

Kary Youman 20:22
Yeah, I love that reframe. I definitely feel like it was me masking emotion, for sure. And I think it was, like, not even, like maybe not even running away from it. But I think just like not even knowing how to even face it, you know, so maybe hiding from it, you know, or just maybe trying to avoid it. Like, this isn’t rehab, but this could be the closest thing that I’ve ever experienced. So like me really being face to face with myself without really any other distractions, except for myself, I’m like, worst case scenario, like, I lose my mind, and they take me off somewhere, like, like, I can handle that, I can handle that. So I signed up for this thing. Couple months go by, and like, I’m not completely sober. But I’d definitely like instead of going out and like participating in some of the activities that will cause me to stay till last call and then go somewhere else, and then be partying until the sun comes up. I would be like, Okay, I’m just gonna buy a six pack. And I’m just gonna drink a bat here. You know, like, I just tried to taper it down. And I just felt like I had a little bit more control. Like, I wasn’t drinking as much. And then when the time came for the Vipassana, I essentially just had a few days where I just completely detoxed and just didn’t do anything. So I get down to the meditation retreat for 10 days. And when you first get there, they ask you to turn your phone, and this is way before smartphones, but they were getting smart. I think I had the BlackBerry Pearl, like that phone was legit back then. But I turned that into a little, little girl thing. Yeah, it’s legit. And they’re just like, you know, while you’re here, please refrain from looking at people talking to people. You know, masturbation, like just writing stuff when we just want you to meditate, eat, sleep, and reflect like that’s it. Boy, the men are here, women are here. And it’s Sunday. So the first couple days were the hardest for me. Because up until that point, I probably had only meditated for maybe just like a couple minutes at a time. And most of the time, I would end up just falling asleep. Like I didn’t really understand that I wasn’t experiencing the benefits of meditation. And I think I also thought it was supposed to feel like something like people would describe their meditation experiences. And I’m like, I don’t feel that at all. Or like someone asked me to, like, imagine something that’s purple or green in my head, I’m like, I don’t see it. You know, like, I just I’ve never been that person. Yeah, it’s just not how my brain works. So I’m just like, I’ll give this a shot. Because a lot of people that I was starting to respect and read and really get into and who I was inspired by, we’re just talking about this thing called meditation or mindfulness. So like, there’s got to be something that lets me explore it. So a couple of days go by, and I’m learning this type of meditation, I won’t get too deep, but essentially, of a positive meditation is, it’s sort of born out of, I guess you would say, a Buddhist philosophy, but it’s really just saw a body scan meditation to where you’re paying attention to your breath, coming in and out of your nose. That’s really all you’re focusing on. But while you’re doing that, you find a position and it’s encouraged that you don’t move. So like if you get a scratch, or if you need to move ideally, you want to see how long you can sit, observe without allowing the outside body to interact with you to interfere. So it’s an interesting practice, if you can imagine because as soon as you start to sit, everything that can possibly be uncomfortable starts to come up, you know, so like, there’s this really interesting game that starts to happen. And for me, in my mind to where, after a couple of days, I’m like, yo, like, this is almost equivalent to the urge that I feel when I want to drink or when I want to escape from something, it’s just like, like something is uncomfortable. How can I alleviate the pain, so I’m going to drink another beer, I’m gonna smoke another cigarette, I’m gonna do another line, whatever. And what I found in this practice was when I was sitting and breathing, whenever I felt like, you know, a huge spider was crawling on my face when there’s nothing at all. Like, if I could just observe that and just sit with that. It will go away. You know, and I found the more that I allowed it to just be a little uncomfortable for a minute. The faster it goes away versus me being like, trying to avoid it or acting like it wasn’t happening. Kind of like in Fight Club. There’s that scene where? Norton’s character, Brad Pitt, likes sitting there with him. He’s like holding his risk. He pours the acid on his hand. And Norton’s character is like trying to find a happy place. He’s like trying to imagine these penguins. And Brad Pitt the Tyler Durden character likes to keep slapping them saying no get away from you, come back come here like this is the moment this is where it is, this is where it is, he starts to feel that burn. And then he neutralizes it with whatever it is. But that’s what I really felt like I was starting to learn was that the discomfort that I was feeling is always temporary, what was expanding, it was me, essentially, like getting myself caught up in it instead of just letting it just sort of have its core. So I just felt like getting that practice and just learning how to become more of an observer of my thoughts and less of someone who feels like they have to participate and my thoughts and that has created a space for me in recovery, and in sobriety to wear. When I look back on that picture, Joe, that you mentioned earlier, where my eyes are closed, and I’m just like in this sort of trance state, I just feel like life doesn’t necessarily get easier, like people don’t stop being people, you know, it’s more of how do I choose to respond. And some people don’t feel like they have a choice to respond. And I think I push back on that because I’m like, what you feel like you don’t have a choice, because you’re very close to your identity. But as you allow yourself that space to just move away from it just a little bit more, you just have a little bit more space between your identity and what’s happening, to just not let every single thing that’s happening, touch you or impact you things still trigger me things still come up for me. But I just feel because I’ve allowed myself the time to explore what it means to be alcohol free and find things that excite me, and encourage me and inspire me to want to keep getting up every day and do things in the world. It’s really been a gift. I’m going to stop there.

JM Guthrie 27:00
Yeah, I told you before, but like let’s talk about that forcefield for a second. So I love everything that you said, I think, you know, there’s so many aspects of what you said that tie back to what we’ve already been starting to talk about specific to me total and the fact that like, for you really to be able to do this, you had to find the right mindfulness is your example, in order to have a better sense for who you are, personally and who carry is from a me perspective in order to really be able to not just give your best to the world, but really interact with those around you. Right. And so that’s actually an interesting perspective that I don’t think we’ve talked much about . It’s just as much about being able to show up in the right frame, in any interaction that you’re having, or in any sort of dialogue or communication. And whether that’s eye contact, or at a place like you talked about where you can’t even have eye contact or it’s just the way you’re talking that fort but that forcefield analogy at the end that that creation of space between what’s coming in versus what’s going out. That’s something we should talk some more about. And I think that you just created I think something will tie back to specific to a lot of aspects of what me total is because Shit People Say something or something happens wrong, or you know, somebody at work does something that pisses me off to this day, I still immediately feel deflated by that to some degree, right? It’s really hard not to have that impact on you right off the jump. And so the idea of taking that back to mindfulness or taking that back to a true level of gratitude specific to where you are as a human, whether that’s emotionally or physically or financially or just familial Lee or however that said, do that big stuff, man. Because that’s where it’s that that’s where this all starts becoming a better human so you can have better interactions and if you can create that, that flap that forcefield that’s a good place to start that much flat when you have 10 Pack either man so I was gonna say go with your mind not you had to do it with your for you. You had to carve it out in your mind because you didn’t have any flab to put forward specific to that ship. On the other hand, I had plenty, I promise I still do.

Joe Quattrone 29:36
I also love how you talked about meditation, kind of allowing you to kind of see things from an outsider’s perspective. And one area where I felt like your stories started taking a turn for the better was when you started to like to tell yourself that it’s not going to get easier, but you kind of came to terms with that. And I started thinking about that in relation to another conversation I had with my son the other day who’s Six years old, but he’s JM could probably tell you a couple of things about this Adeste. Eight, they’re constantly in this pursuit of trying to figure out what’s fair between them and their siblings. Oh, yeah. And I just told him straight up, I was like, This is what you need to know, life is not fair. And the sooner you realize that, and you use it to your advantage, the stronger you’re going to be. And I truly believe that is maybe the unlock you had in your brain when you were thinking about life’s not gonna get any easier. But that’s okay. Like, actually, you know, when I think about myself and by proxy to mean total, I like the challenges, you know, we see all these people out there, and you see people talking about fitness, weight loss, career goals, career growth, all that kind of stuff. Nothing is given to you. It’s always about your

JM Guthrie 30:46
money, money, everything is about money. Yes, well, but how do you get money? You know, like, I’m just saying, like, everything’s tied back, it just seems like this world, we were talking about the firehose of content at us at all times, in every format on every platform. In every variation, it all ties back to six. And you see some of the most recent polls of millennials, and even some Gen Z of what their goals or objectives are as humans, to be famous, and to be rich, those are the two things. And guess what, neither of those things come easy.

Joe Quattrone 31:22
And most of us in Germany come, most of them only come as a result of some in depth process that includes a very strict mindset and the way you let holy use things to fuel your energy, you know, like, you have to use negative pathways, you have to use unfairness, you have to use all of the shit that life throws at you, that put it in front of you and achieve, you know, like you have to overcome. And the sooner you realize that, the better you’re going to be.

Kary Youman 31:51
And as you were talking, I was just gonna say, Jamie was saying, you know, people want to be rich and famous. And as you were saying that, I’m like, imagine a world where people want to have, you know, a strong mind and a humble heart. You know what I mean? Like, those are the things that create the success, you know, it’s like, how come, there’s so much emphasis on. So let me just share this, just talking about the key being inside of yourself. And I was listening to something the other day, and the guy used this example of, let’s say, you’re in your house and you drop your keys, it’s dark, and you drop your keys, and you can’t find your keys. So you close the door, you go outside, because you see a streetlight and you start looking underneath the streetlight for your keys, because there’s light for New York comes up and says, yeah, what are you looking for? I hope you find it. And you’re like, my keys. So are your friends looking around? And they’re like, where did you drop your keys? And you’re like, Well, I dropped them inside. And then your friends like, well, yo, why are you looking for your keys outside? And then you’re like, well, because there’s light out here I can’t see inside. So I’m out here looking for my keys. And I think if you take that sort of roundabout way, I think when it comes to us looking for the answers. It’s like for myself, I feel like I’m looking for who I am outside underneath the streetlight when in reality, who I am is inside the house in the dark. It’s like, bro, I’m the light, like, how do I turn? How do I generate the light so that I can see what’s around me and I just feel through this me total lifestyle, it really gives us an opportunity to explore how we light our flame? How do we fill our cup? Yes, we want to surround ourselves around people who compliment and fill our cup. But ultimately, we are able to do that. I feel like the most important part of life is being able to fill our own cup so we can fill other people’s cups.

JM Guthrie 33:48
Yes. And so even think about what you just said, right? Everything is about being rich. A famous 10 pack like Kary has all of our hair, you know, on his little hats, the superior film that runs through high school rope, you know, whatever, right? There’s all this material and sort of superficial. Just a complete buzz around us at all times and noise in care of what Kerry said about what if it was about mindfulness or caring about others? The reality is, what if people just cared a little bit more about themself? What if people just thought a little bit more about their own health and wellness, and figured out the best way to go down a path of thinking towards being good with who they are? I bet you a lot more of the things around mindfulness, a lot more of the kindness that we all wish that people would show one another, a lot less of the conflict and just absolute atrocity that we continue to see in so many different cities around our country with guns and other things. We’d start to see that slowing down because I would bet it If you really looked into the people that are in these complexes are the people that are actually executing these horrible things, they’re not happy with who they are. There’s something in there that they’re obviously out of whack. And whether it’s something around drinking or just finding that mindfulness, that’s what this is all about a place to talk comfortably about it and understand that it isn’t easy. And that we all have to be a little bit more vulnerable in the way that we talk about it. Or we’re going to continue to keep it inside. And we’re going to continue to see all these fucking conflicts that we continue to have to hear about on a daily basis. I mean, it is just so sad. What this world is talking about these days, and how much worse it seems to be getting on almost a daily basis.

Joe Quattrone 35:43
I want to help them realize, well, people don’t realize some people are starting to. That’s why you see someone’s content proliferate on social media. But time is the most scarce commodity in the entire universe. And we don’t have enough of it, and we’re always running out of it. So the more you can focus on your personal well being and your personal health, the better it is. Because that’s just going to mean you’re, it’s just going to be time well spent while you’re on this earth. And the less time you have, you know, being clear in mind and clear and purpose, the poor or bankrupt you are,

JM Guthrie 36:17
yeah. And the longer that you’re in that world, the less of the legacy that you carry about earlier, you’re able to achieve because you don’t have any more time and you’ve already created a legacy through the actions and behaviors over all those years. Okay, I got one, I got another kind of question for you specific to the mindfulness aspect as you try to quantify the 1000s of days that you’ve gone, and the 1000s of days that are still in front of you specific to this journey. What is it on a daily basis that a lot, you know, if there’s one thing that on a daily basis ties you back to your ability to execute on all the things you did right or not right the next day, but stay purposefully focused on me totally? What do you think that is?

Kary Youman 37:04
Yeah, I love that question. Man. I felt like I was sitting with that over the weekend, and doing some reflecting. But you know, for me, man, it’s momentum. You know, like, I feel for me, I’ve I’ve gone back and forth, you know, walk in the sobriety rope rather than me total rope for I feel for a big part of my life. And, you know, when I started to, like, track my progress, like me, being able to say I’ve been sober for 4070 days isn’t a coincidence. Like, I know how many days I’ve been sober for reasons like that momentum is what it really is the foundation. And again, someone might say, Well, I’ve only been sober for one hour or one day, and it’s like, do you understand how soft skills can be? Maybe that’s not the word no, keep going? Do people understand how F bombs are? Understood? Understand how awful one day was, like, once you understand how powerful one day is, or one hour is you don’t question. If one day is powerful compared to 4070 days, it’s like that momentum is tremendous, and what it takes to build that it’s your character, it’s who you are. It’s what you stand for, you know, so for me, it’s JM, it’s like me being able to look myself in the eye, and have love and like Grace and appreciation and be able to sleep well at night and not have these weird thoughts. Because I’ve had integrity with myself, I’ve not only done what I said, I’m gonna do to the people out in the world, because I think for the most part, people do that. It’s those inner commitments that I feel, we can break and no one will ever know. You know, so for me, it’s like when it’s all said and done, I want to have the least amount of those no regrets as I possibly can, you know, so for me the momentum. And just the progress that I’ve made looking back on day one all the way to today, is really what keeps me going. Last thing I’ll say too, is I’ve just found again, there’s one thing to be sober or to live, you know, in sobriety, but what I love about me total and recovery is it’s all encompassing, in a way that allows you to really bring your whole self to the party, you know, because I feel like you can abstain. But this again, this fellowship, this community, this hearing stories, the sharing stories, this being in the space with people like that’s part of the healing process. Again, if you go back to old school humans, like we were like in tribes and communities like we’re used to being in these networks, and I feel in this modern day society, especially now that things are much more remote and virtual. And we have these extremely smartphones that are amazing. And we’re getting further and further away from one another. So I think that isolation can be dangerous. So again, being in recovery, living this meet total lifestyle reminds me that if I think about me total, as a triangle or a circle, it’s just a pillar, you know, me being able to be in community and share and be able to take back because, yeah, it really does motivate me, man,

JM Guthrie 40:21
isn’t it? I mean, think about that, even what you just said, There’s nothing prescriptive about me totally, we’re not here to prescribe your way to get to this life. We’re not here to even tell you what it is that you’re trying to achieve, in feeling or emotion from taking a step down this journey. But what we’re trying to create, going back to what you mentioned today, which I think was really cool, is this separation between the world and yourself. So you can be that best person or carry in your analogy, and I like this, you can go to bed, without those mental stressors or those anxieties of things that maybe other people don’t realize you had done or that you’re thinking about. That you have to live with as a person. And that has nothing to do with anybody but you are in my case, me and in our ability to grasp that and understand that and get to a place each of us, you know as far as you’ve made it to appear comfort and solace in understanding or being able to quantify the difference between who you were 4070 days ago, versus who you are today versus where you’re going to be February 23 2027. Right and just think about if you can continue incrementally making a difference in RIA in relation to that buffer to that sense of calmness, where you can go from here since you’ve made such an enormous difference in this amount of time. It’s pretty cool you know, we start to quantify it like that.

Joe Quattrone 41:56
Alright guys, I got one last question and I’m gonna I’m gonna take the seriousness out of the conversation for a minute so we can land this plane softly Kary was at the meet total of it all that led to it or was it the Portland of it all that led to the tying of the Hoodie strap because I’m a very much up Hoodie tie tire as well. But I want to know your perspective. You were always doing this or to me totally forced you into this movement.

42:24
You give me the choice

Joe Quattrone 42:28
to start with Portland or didn’t start with Beto.

Kary Youman 42:32
I mean, I almost like the one in the same man. But no, I definitely feel like I’d say me totally. I mean, I think Portland has influenced me, but

Joe Quattrone 42:43
Later on, he stopped caring as much about what people thought. And I thought about that for a second because when I started tying my Hoodie ties I was like, you know, I’m gonna fuck who sees me Titus is more comfortable with slay, I think things that like constricting things that bind it was like, just a nice little neat package. I like that.

Kary Youman 42:59
Yeah. 100% I mean, I’ve turned people on to this, like, I’ll show up in a meeting. And I’ll be like this. And someone will hit me up and be like, Yo, I peep that and then I’ll see them and they’ll be on it. And I’m just lay

JM Guthrie 43:13
it has a flat brim that comes along with that. You get this you have to go straight. Yeah. Yeah.

Kary Youman 43:23
I would love to be able to wear a hat that makes that hat look so good. Like that hat on

JM Guthrie 43:28
my pumpkin head, man. Yeah, my thing looks terrible in my head. I don’t need I don’t need I have no need for a hat with these headphones. Because my head is way too big enough. But yeah, I mean, I need a full crown pumpkin style size row, Pat. And that’s why we’ve got several. These would be this hat would be covering Kary’s eyes would be wrestling with

Joe Quattrone 43:54
modern, the modern equivalent of a 10 gallon hat played with Oh, no

JM Guthrie 43:58
I doubt it was literally sitting on his nose.

Joe Quattrone 44:07
And it’s time for this lovely edition of the fuzziest podcast for us to discuss the things around us that lead us to lead a better lifestyle. And I’ll kick us off today. And I will talk about a couple of items of literature that I’ve got on my desk that I peruse every once in a while to live a slightly better life. Number one, prayers for difficult times for men. I don’t know why it’s specifically for men, but I found this at an airport, bookshop and I decided to pick it up at a moment when I was going through a tough time in my life. And I do refer back to that at probably at least once a month. The other one is for these guys to learn the science of losing weight by noon, the new mindset which is an app that I have been utilizing to track my calories and then I like history and specifically I’m really interested in biblical history. There’s there’s so I found a Life magazine that talks about the 50 most important people in the Bible and I’ve been trying to get familiar with those people on a deeper level other than just reading the random side I really liked the way the Bible is written sometimes like the old promos and all that kind of stuff. So this makes me feel like I’m bringing, you know, old biblical characters into a more modern context for myself so I can learn as I go, but that’s my my Mito ranking,

JM Guthrie 45:31
drinking featherweight religion heavyweight as it pertains to perhaps ish topic

Joe Quattrone 45:41
Mike Tyson of Yeah.

JM Guthrie 45:45
Well we’ll have to get Mike Guthrie on here sometime to talk about a topic crowd after that Kary and I will crown the heavyweight champion at let me just tell you you better keep reading and working on your knowledge because that wisdom that he can drop on you in regards to said topic, all right, I mean, he still pings me every once in a while messenger we go after but I will say also the fact that this dude’s got these quick hitters that he’s got props all prepared for carry kind of setup

Joe Quattrone 46:21
this is the bunker this is where I spend all my time so

JM Guthrie 46:29
I just got Life magazines from your SOAP in

Joe Quattrone 46:37
my chapstick Alright, who’s next? Who wants to talk about their surroundings then brings up a Mito fourth.

JM Guthrie 46:48
Yeah, I mean, I’ll do what I’ve talked about a lot as a group. I continue to have products that helped me live. So today we’ll go with hop Lark hop tea. This is basically water, tea and hops. And it’s delicious. It has some caffeine in it. So what’s nice is no alcohol is gluten free, I think it is zero calories. Get to drink all day, and genuinely taste what I’ve thought about that. But yeah, I mean, that’s a guy who used to like to have a drink pretty much any time of the day. Now I get to do so and enjoy the same flavors, but obviously maintain the total life that I’ve been fortunate enough to live for 530 days. So that’s mine. Sorry, I don’t have any Bible magazines to share, Joe. But that’s interesting.

47:40
I’ll say

JM Guthrie 47:42
I’m good. As I mentioned, I got this other heavyweight in my life. So I’m good. I’m feeling a welterweight on that, but solid enough. All right, Mr. Mr. Carey, what do you have to share today? Yeah, scurried around your apartment to find some.

Kary Youman 48:00
I actually got three things. One is I’ve got these different plants over here. I think just plants in general, just seeing life cleanse in Arizona has been cool. I wasn’t much of a plant guy back in the day. But you know, things changed. Speaking of plants, I’ve got this green water. It’s like, it’s just like chlorophyll, like fulvic acids and different minerals taste really good. And then I just keep this recovery Dharma book pretty close to me. It’s I wouldn’t even say it’s like a but it’s a community that essentially is built on like more Buddhist principles around sobriety and recovery. And it’s nice for me just to be able to pick it up and just read an excerpt and yeah, just be able to ponder on that for the day. So

JM Guthrie 48:41
Okay. All right. Thanks again, everyone. What a great second episode, what a great example of where this conversation is headed. I think we got into some topics today that we’ll continue to click into, particularly around building that barrier that buffer between the noise of life and what truly is in your heart and just really thankful for the vulnerability and the transparency carry that you shared today, everybody, we hope that you continue to subscribe to this message and where we’re headed with this podcast, please subscribe and the various channels that you can please share any comments or interest in what we talked about. We’d love to click into it further. And mostly, we are so excited to continue to share with you over the hundreds of episodes as Joe likes to say we have from here so until then, take care.